Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Why Failing Was Good for Me

Failing is never something we want to admit. Failing hurts. It sucks the very life out of you and drains your soul and makes you want to stay in bed and never get up again. Especially when it is something you wanted. Something you were absorbed with.

And it's even worse when you took out loans for it.

I failed nursing school.

There. I said it. It's been almost 9 months now since I decided I couldn't do it. And it still gets to me. I am not someone that fails...I am not someone that gives up. I spent a good portion of 3 years to get a degree in nursing. And I truly wanted it. I almost finished it. And then, right there in the middle of clinicals....I discovered I couldn't do it. It wasn't the clinicals, or the patients, or the gross factor, or anything of the sort. I understood the concepts. I knew my medications. I knew my pathophysiology. I even could recite nursing diagnoses in my sleep. Well, maybe not sleep....because I didn't sleep in nursing school. I lived on caffeine. But, that's another story.

I could spend hours upon hours upon more hours studying, reading, making charts, reviewing, and reciting. Yet, I couldn't pass the tests. I gained weight. My face broke out. I was beyond stressed. I was never happy. I was always on edge. Sleep was not something that I could even find when I had time for it. I became such a disaster at exam time, that I literally would have horrible stomach pains and shook like a leaf. I started to not care anymore. I just wanted my life back. I wanted to be happy again. I wanted to be able to spend time with my family and not feel like I was doing something bad. So, I failed. I actually failed TWICE.  I failed the one class, and tried again. And gave it even more of myself. And failed again. One could definitely say that after that second time I could have been diagnosed with Failure to Thrive. I became a recluse. I didn't want to talk to people. I didn't want to leave my bed. I didn't want to get dressed. It was pretty bad. And I'm still recovering- 9 months later.

So, I'm sure you are wondering right now, why the heck I say that it was good for me.

As someone that really had never really failed, I needed to realize what it was like. I needed to see that I had let something consume me in a way that was seriously unhealthy. I'm not saying nursing school is unhealthy (lol), but for me, it was. Failing made me reevaluate who I am and what I want out of life. I realized that while I loved doing my clinicals, and I would probably make a great nurse, I had always wanted something else...I wanted to teach. I realized that my Plan A, was not really my Plan afterall.

I'm now in school for my BS in Elementary Education. And I'm happy. :)

I've grown as a person from my experiences with nursing school. I've realized how lucky it is to be healthy, and to be proactive with that health. It's amazing how quickly something can happen inside of us. I've learned I have a strength inside of me that I didn't know existed. I pulled myself up and brushed myself off, and now, I'm a better person for that.

I now know things that the average person doesn't when it comes to health care. Which is beneficial for me and my family due to my husband's health condition. Heck, it's beneficial just going to the pediatrician's office. I know what it means when my kids' chart reads NKA or says they have rhinorrhea. (NKA- no known allergies & rhinorrhea simply means a runny nose!)

And I'm not afraid of failure anymore.

Pin It

No comments:

Post a Comment